Life with Matthew-a mother's view
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"Your child has a degenerative disease. There is no cure." These were the doctor's words to us. How does one begin to process this kind of information? One's dreams of having a healthy, normal child are shattered. It is a great loss. The grieving process starts, and NEVER stops: shock, denial, negotiation, guilt, anger, depression and acceptance. It is a rollercoaster of emotions ranging from hope to despair and all the way back!
Our situation is extremely stressful. We have been through some very difficult times and many of the same/worse times lie ahead. For 5 years, Matthew seldom slept through the night.
As encouragement, two very dear friends said the following to me:
- "Remember, Matthew is not a mistake. God does NOT make mistakes"
- "God wants us all to go to heaven, and Matthew is His way of making sure that you get there."
This reminded me of Matthew's christening verse:
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight. Proverbs 3:5&6
I realised that I had a choice: I could choose to:
- trust God,
- believe that He will do what is best,
- not lean on my own ability to understand,
- not lose my faith
the only alternative would be to remain embittered!
I have chosen to keep my faith and trust God.
So much good has come from having Matthew. He has enriched our lives, and angels seem to follow him everywhere! God has sent a whole host of very badly disguised angels on our path in the form of doctors, therapists, dieticians, pharmasists, nurses, other parents, care workers and many more.
Matthew has taught me to be thankful for everything and not to take anything for granted. I have learnt to cherish whatever Matthew does or achieves, because it may be the last time I see him doing it. At this point, just seeing him attempting to sit fills my heart with joy! I am grateful for my husband Alwyn's unwavering faith, emotional support and physical help with Matthew.
We have learnt to live one day at a time and to rely on the strength God gives us for each day. I now know what unconditional love means. I am a much stronger person, and more aware of what is important in life.
Thank you Matthew, what a difference you have made in my life!
My biggest wish is that Matthew will not have lived in vain. He has enriched our lives and has touched many others. My purpose has become clearer too. God is using me to help and encourage others. How wonderful that I can testify: "...this sickness is for God's glory so that God's Son may be glorified through it." John 11;4
And then there is Amy, our FAITH baby. There was no prenatal testing for Matthew's condition available at the time, and we had the added worry of Down's risk due to my age. We therefore had to take the decision to have another baby in complete faith. Looking back, in human terms it was the most difficult decision I have ever had to make... so many "what if's...?" Constantly, I had to draw on my faith that God is in control, and that if He gave us another disabled child, He would also give us the necessary strength. Amy is a beautiful, healthy little girl and we are truly grateful to have her. Watching her develop and reach all her milestones is so fulfilling to us.
I believe that there is a reason why the word test appears in the word testimony. Indeed, having a severly disabled child like Matthew is a test, but at the same time there is so much to testify about! Yes, I have often said that in order to see how ALIVE and GREAT God is, ask Him to give you a disabled child. I made a quilt for Matthew which I completed after knowing his diagnosis.
On the label I wrote:
Ich bat um Gottes Segen und ein gesundes Kind. Ich erbat alles, um mich des Lebens zu erfreuen. Ich bekam nichts von dem, was ich erbat, und doch MEHR, als ich erhofft hatte.
Danke Herr fuer Matthew.
Roughly translated: I prayed to God to bless me with a healthy child. I didn't receive this, but MORE than I'd hoped for.
Thank you Lord for Matthew.
Our situation is extremely stressful. We have been through some very difficult times and many of the same/worse times lie ahead. For 5 years, Matthew seldom slept through the night.
As encouragement, two very dear friends said the following to me:
- "Remember, Matthew is not a mistake. God does NOT make mistakes"
- "God wants us all to go to heaven, and Matthew is His way of making sure that you get there."
This reminded me of Matthew's christening verse:
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight. Proverbs 3:5&6
I realised that I had a choice: I could choose to:
- trust God,
- believe that He will do what is best,
- not lean on my own ability to understand,
- not lose my faith
the only alternative would be to remain embittered!
I have chosen to keep my faith and trust God.
So much good has come from having Matthew. He has enriched our lives, and angels seem to follow him everywhere! God has sent a whole host of very badly disguised angels on our path in the form of doctors, therapists, dieticians, pharmasists, nurses, other parents, care workers and many more.
Matthew has taught me to be thankful for everything and not to take anything for granted. I have learnt to cherish whatever Matthew does or achieves, because it may be the last time I see him doing it. At this point, just seeing him attempting to sit fills my heart with joy! I am grateful for my husband Alwyn's unwavering faith, emotional support and physical help with Matthew.
We have learnt to live one day at a time and to rely on the strength God gives us for each day. I now know what unconditional love means. I am a much stronger person, and more aware of what is important in life.
Thank you Matthew, what a difference you have made in my life!
My biggest wish is that Matthew will not have lived in vain. He has enriched our lives and has touched many others. My purpose has become clearer too. God is using me to help and encourage others. How wonderful that I can testify: "...this sickness is for God's glory so that God's Son may be glorified through it." John 11;4
And then there is Amy, our FAITH baby. There was no prenatal testing for Matthew's condition available at the time, and we had the added worry of Down's risk due to my age. We therefore had to take the decision to have another baby in complete faith. Looking back, in human terms it was the most difficult decision I have ever had to make... so many "what if's...?" Constantly, I had to draw on my faith that God is in control, and that if He gave us another disabled child, He would also give us the necessary strength. Amy is a beautiful, healthy little girl and we are truly grateful to have her. Watching her develop and reach all her milestones is so fulfilling to us.
I believe that there is a reason why the word test appears in the word testimony. Indeed, having a severly disabled child like Matthew is a test, but at the same time there is so much to testify about! Yes, I have often said that in order to see how ALIVE and GREAT God is, ask Him to give you a disabled child. I made a quilt for Matthew which I completed after knowing his diagnosis.
On the label I wrote:
Ich bat um Gottes Segen und ein gesundes Kind. Ich erbat alles, um mich des Lebens zu erfreuen. Ich bekam nichts von dem, was ich erbat, und doch MEHR, als ich erhofft hatte.
Danke Herr fuer Matthew.
Roughly translated: I prayed to God to bless me with a healthy child. I didn't receive this, but MORE than I'd hoped for.
Thank you Lord for Matthew.